Children can appear social and independent one minute, and eager to learn, and suddenly decide they don’t want to go to school anymore. Anxieties about school don’t always disappear once they’re through the door. Your child may need support to help them get to school daily or when challenges arise. It’s important to help build their social skills to form relationships and empower them to face their fears and overcome obstacles.

Remember, everything is new to your child and they are building their experience and coping mechanisms for the first time. If they struggle, they are more likely to want to avoid what makes them feel uncomfortable until they build the skills to help them cope. 

Ongoing tips to help your child at school:

• Ask your child questions about their day at school
• Find out how they are coping and how they view school
• Tell your child about your day and any gentle challenges you experience 
• Share how you felt, managed, and problem solved
• Give them examples of how well they have managed new experiences in the past
• Plan for school together, so they feel part of the process
• Talk kindly about the school and their teacher
• Give them tips on how to make friends and approach people 
• Encourage excitement about making new friends and learning new things
• Normalise and answer any ‘what if’s’ that may come up 
• Discuss any fears they may have
• Remind them you are there for them if ever they need you
• Where possible, let them have choices with their clothes and lunch
• Plan activities for after school and weekends to give them something to look forward to 
• Create time for relaxation after what can be an overwhelming experience at times.

Here are some signs of worry or anxiety to look out for

• Behavioural changes
• Not sleeping, waking in the night or having bad dreams
• Bed wetting
• They only feel comforted by you
• Feeling sick, having tummy issues or headaches
• Crying excessively
• Taking it all out on you
• Withdrawing.

When children start school, there can be other factors in their life that impact their emotions and cause worry. Separating from their caregiver for the first time, the arrival of a new new baby, moving home, discord at home, and changes to the family can all impact your child. These events can feel overwhelming to anyone, and we all need support at these times. 

Some children can appear to need a lot of comfort and attention when they start school. They can show a lack of interest in doing things and look like they are regressing in their development. Helping them build the skills they need to cope with life as early as possible can give them the strength and confidence to cope with new experiences and life challenges.

Is there anything besides starting school that might affect your child’s transition to school? 

As children develop their imagination you may sometimes find that it overtakes reality. Children can sometimes find it difficult to determine the difference between what is real and their imagination. By providing reassurance and support to create a balance between reality and their imagination, you can help reduce their fears. On top of their fears of school, they can get worked up about things like the dark because they think a storm is coming or that someone is hiding somewhere or looking through their window. If it affects their sleep, it can impact their school day, and so it’s important to work through their concerns with them.

Stranger danger warnings can build fear in them about meeting new people. Talking to strangers and feeling they could be taken away is something we warn them against. This can play on their mind, especially in a new school filled with new adults. Some children also worry about what might happen to their parents when they’re away from them. Reassure your child by letting them know what you do to keep them and you safe.

When children feel safe, secure and supported to unravel their fears they are more likely to overcome them.

Listening to your child’s worries and concerns reduces any anxieties they may have. Validate their feelings and give comfort. When we normalize what children are going through, they feel less alone and less anxious about their experience.

Demonstrate to your child that you believe in them to help ease their anxiety. You can do this by working together as a team to build strengths in them rather than doing everything for them. Help your child to build new skills as they grow and develop. 

Reassurance and affirmations go a long way to letting your child know they can cope and are ready for all that school has to offer.

Affirmations

Remind your child of the Hug-a-Bug World affirmations to support them. 

Ask them to repeat each one after you:

I am Brave

I am Loved

I can Do it

I can Share

I am Unique

I am Kind

You can use the Hug-a-Bug World activities on our website to help your child understand their feelings and learn to express them. We also have many activities that will help your child to relax, learn and build their confidence. 

3 Take aways:

Children can appear social and independent one minute, and eager to learn, and suddenly decide they don’t want to go to school anymore. 

When children feel safe, secure and supported to unravel their fears they are more likely to overcome them.

Reassurance and affirmations go a long way to letting your child know they can cope and are ready for all that school has to offer.

Remember that anxiety feeds anxiety. You have a plan with your child, and they know what to happen, and you find they continue to ask the same question, when are we leaving for school? Tell them calmly that you have told them the plan 2/3 times, and encourage them to take a few breaths. You are breaking the anxiety cycle and reminding them that they are not using their new skills to manage their fears. Reassure them that they are going to be OK and continue. Your boundaries, together with staying strong, will support them and help them to feel safe.

Reflection:

What activity can you find on the website to do with your child to help ease any anxieties they may have?